Buggy List: A Married Couple Sweet Southern Romantic Comedy (Schooled on Love: Clean Southern Romantic Comedy Book 3) Read online

  Buggy List

  A Married Couple, Sweet Southern Romantic Comedy

  Kaci Lane

  For Lane, my first born.

  Thanks for crashing my buggy list.

  Contents

  Buggy List

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Books by Kaci Lane

  Buggy List

  Kaci Lane

  Copyright © 2020 Kaci Lane

  All rights reserved.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  No part of this work may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means without written permission from the author.

  Created with Vellum

  Chapter One

  Raven spotted a bright orange-and-pink pillow across the aisle. Yes, she was here to help her sister, Kristin, shop for her new home. But Raven still hadn’t put the finishing touches on her own home’s decor. She smiled, admiring all of the throw pillows and imagining how she could distribute them throughout her home.

  “What do you think of this for the bedroom curtains?”

  Raven nodded. “Uh-huh.”

  “Raven, you have to look at them to have an opinion.”

  Ignoring her older sister, Raven crossed the aisle and grabbed the pillow that held her attention. “This is perfect for our back patio. Doug might not even fuss about the pink if I put it outside.”

  “Raven.”

  “Hold your horses, preggo.” Raven tucked the pillow under her arm and marched toward Kristin, who had squatted down near the curtains.

  Kristin lifted an arm when Raven reached her side. Assuming she wanted to look at the pillow, Raven shoved it toward her. Instead of taking it, Kristin looked up, pain written all over her face.

  “Please, help me up.”

  Raven swallowed, the blood rushing from her own face at the sight of Kristin’s. She dropped the pillow, then reached with both hands, pulling her sister to her feet. Kristin’s knees buckled.

  “Are you going to faint?”

  Kristin’s head wavered. A few seconds later, her jeans started darkening around the crotch, and it continued down her inner thighs. Raven curled her lips and wrinkled her nose. Taking a step back, she kicked the pillow a few feet away. She couldn’t have it soaked in urine, in case she decided to buy it.

  “Ewww. I know you have to pee like forty-seven times an hour, but you just went at the last store.”

  Kristen’s jeans weren’t the only thing wet. Puddles formed in her round, blue eyes, and it didn’t take long for those saucers to spill. “I’m not peeing, Raven. My water broke!”

  Raven slapped her forehead and ran her hand through her blond hair. “I’m so sorry, Kristin, I assumed—”

  “Get me to the hospital.” Kristin reached for Raven’s shoulder and held tightly as she shuffled forward. Raven steadied her with one hand and reached for her phone with the other.

  “I’ll call Conner.”

  “Let’s go,” Kristin said, then doubled over and clutched her stomach.

  “Are you okay?” Raven wrapped an arm around Kristin’s shoulder and snatched the pillow off the ground. She slowed as they neared the checkout area, stepping away from Kristin toward the counter.

  Kristin tugged Raven’s arm, eyeliner and disgust all over her face. “Drop the pillow, now.”

  Raven shuddered. She hadn’t heard her sister’s demon voice since the time she’d raided her closet and worn a new dress before her. “Yes, ma’am.” She dropped the pillow and picked up her pace, stopping twice when Kristin groaned.

  Once they made it to the parking lot, Raven called her brother-in-law. After relating recent events in ten words or less, she hung up the phone. Her mouth twisted. “He’s on the golf course with his dad, but he’s leaving now.”

  Kristin’s expression fell. And while Raven tried to put on a brave face for her sister, she was equally scared, if not more so, about not getting Kristin to the hospital in time.

  When they reached Raven’s SUV, Kristin leaned against the hood and clenched her teeth. Raven opened the passenger door. Remembering Kristin’s wet pants, she began spreading as many napkins as she could find across the seat. Kristin pushed her out of the way and sat down in a huff, sending most of the napkins to the floorboard. Raven cringed, made her way to the driver’s side, then slid inside.

  “Get over it, Raven. You have leather seeeeeeeeeee!” Kristin’s voice lifted a few octaves as her words morphed into a screech. Raven offered her a sympathetic glance before stomping on the gas pedal.

  She made it onto the highway, then drummed her fingers impatiently as the light in front of them changed to red. She gassed it when the light turned green, and flew through a yellow light at the next intersection. “Please, no more lights,” she said, but then her shoulders tensed as a new set of lights flashed behind her. This time, the lights were blue.

  “Seriously?” Raven rolled her eyes and veered off the road.

  Kristin placed both hands on her stomach and sighed.

  “Don’t worry, sis. If we get a ticket, I’ll pay for it.”

  Kristin’s head shot up, her eyes glaring through Raven.

  Raven clenched her teeth, a little frightened by this tiny woman with a big belly and even bigger threats.

  She looked in the rearview mirror. An older, heavyset man in uniform was approaching. Raven rolled down her window and took a deep breath, preparing to plea. A protruding belly stepped into her peripheral view. Raven’s eyes followed it up to the man’s voice.

  “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

  “I went a little too fast through a caution light?” Raven smiled and batted her eyes.

  “You mean a little too fast through a red light. It changed when you drove under it.”

  Raven batted her eyes again and shifted her body toward the cop, noting the name on his uniform. “Officer Jim, is it?”

  Officer Jim laughed and removed his dark sunglasses. “Look, I know a woman like you isn’t into a fat, old man like me. So, you can cut the bull right now.”

  Kristin yelped from the passenger seat, dropping her head between her knees. “Ahhhh!”

  “Not her too?” Officer Jim shook his head.

  “No, sir. My sister is in labor. That’s why I was driving so fast.”

  “Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place? Follow me.”

  Raven unbuckled her seat belt and moved to open her door, prepared to follow him back to his patrol car.

  “No, darlin’. To the hospital.”

  “Oh, right . . . I knew that.”

  Officer Jim shook his head again and hurried back to his car.

  When Raven veered her SUV back onto the road—this time with a police escort—Kristin raised her head from between her knees and grinned.

  Doug wiped sweat from his brow as he rounded a corner of the front yard. Mowing grass was one of his favorit
e tasks at the new house, because it meant they actually had grass.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket, interrupting his perfect aura. He ignored it at first, but after a couple of vibrations, something prompted him to answer. He shut off the lawnmower and removed his earbuds, expecting little more than a telemarketer. Instead, it was the hospital.

  Doug’s eyes widened as the nurse on the other end told him that his sister-in-law had gone into labor and his wife had fainted in the process. Both women were fine, she said, but Raven was in no condition to drive home. He hung up and rushed inside to grab his wallet and lock up the house before hopping in his truck and leaving. Old gym clothes soaked in sweat and covered in grass clippings didn’t make for the best going-out attire, but getting to Raven ASAP trumped taking the time to change.

  Although Raven leaned toward the dramatic in most any circumstance, Doug had never known her to faint. And after four years of marriage and four years of dating, he’d seen her in all types of situations.

  In a matter of minutes, he turned into the hospital, half-regretting his appearance. Not that the grass look was frowned upon in Alabama, but he held himself to a higher standard. Too late now. He locked his F-150 and headed toward the front entrance.

  The revolving door that had mesmerized him as a kid now annoyed him as a grown man on a mission.

  “Raven Morrow, please,” he said to the receptionist, before even reaching the counter.

  The receptionist checked her computer. “We don’t have a patient by that name.”

  Doug nodded. “She’s with Kristin Elliot, who had a baby.”

  “Okay, I have a Kristin Elliot. Room 303 in the maternity pavilion.”

  “Thanks.” Doug tapped the counter and headed down the hall, following signs that led him to the baby section. Pink and blue balloons hit him as he turned the corner down the last hallway.

  “Sorry, man.” The teenage delivery guy peeked from behind a huge stork balloon.

  “That’s fine.” Doug held up a hand.

  He found Kristin’s room number and knocked on the door. A short, older woman in scrubs answered. “Are you the father?”

  “No, I’m here—”’

  “Family only, I’m afraid.”

  “Doug?” Raven’s voice squeaked through the cracked door.

  “I’m here, sweetie.”

  “Oh.” The nurse patted Doug’s arm. “I spoke with you on the phone. Come in.” She opened the door wider and motioned for Doug to follow her.

  Doug rushed to his wife, who sat slumped over in a corner chair. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” She smiled as he kissed her forehead. “I saw . . .” Raven’s eyes shifted to Kristin sitting in the bed. “. . . Everything.” Her eyes widened when she focused them back on Doug.

  Doug blinked, trying not to imagine his sister-in-law giving birth. “I’m sure that was hard.”

  “Not as hard as actually doing it,” Kristin called from the bed.

  Doug pivoted to face her. “I’m glad you’re okay, Kristin. And congratulations.”

  Kristin smiled. “Thanks. Raven might not make the best birthing partner, but she did manage to get me here in time.”

  Raven laughed. “Barely.”

  “Well, you’re both okay, and I can drive you home.” Doug stroked Raven’s blond hair.

  The nurse, who had been seated at a computer on a cart, twisted on her stool to face the others. “She should be fine by tonight. Her blood pressure dropped significantly, so I didn’t think she should drive.”

  “Thanks for calling me.” Doug offered the nurse a half-smile and sat on the edge of Raven’s chair. “Where’s Conner?”

  “Good question.” Kristin folded her arms. “Of all the days to go off golfing.”

  Doug frowned, regretting he’d asked. A moment of awkward silence passed before the door opened again. Another nurse wheeled in a cart. When it got closer, Doug saw a baby lying inside. His new nephew.

  Kristin’s face beamed as the nurse positioned the cart beside her bed. “He’s all clean and changed.”

  Kristin reached down and picked up the tiny burrito baby wearing a blue cap made from the same stuff Doug’s Gram used for her quilts. With the baby in her arms, Kristin’s face changed into something he’d never seen before.

  Love.

  But not like how he loved Raven . . . or cheeseburgers. This was an expression he’d never seen before.

  Doug grabbed Raven’s hand and relaxed. Something about Kristin’s expression gave him an odd sense of calm. He watched his sister-in-law with her new baby, up until she unbuttoned the top of her hospital gown and—

  “Oh my gosh, Kristin.” Doug buried his head in Raven’s shoulder. After fighting off the thought of her giving birth, now he had to hide from seeing her topless?

  “Sorry, Doug. I forgot you were here.”

  The sound of sliding metal screeched across the room. Raven’s breath tickled his ear. “The coast is clear.”

  Doug peeked before fully lifting his head, to make sure he couldn’t see Kristin. Good. A pale green curtain was now wrapped around the hospital bed.

  “So, we sit here while she feeds the baby?” Doug whispered to Raven, hoping she’d volunteer for them to leave the awkward situation.

  “We can’t leave her alone,” Raven whispered back in a harsher tone.

  Doug frowned but nodded. He wouldn’t want Kristin to leave Raven until he arrived if roles were reversed.

  “Do your parents know yet?”

  Raven shook her head. “She wanted Conner to see him first.”

  “Makes sense.”

  As if on cue, the door burst open, and Conner pounced in with more energy than a Red Bull. “Where are they?”

  Doug couldn’t help but laugh. If it weren’t for Conner’s receding hairline, he could’ve passed for one of those private school boys in a teenage drama.

  “In here, sweetie,” Kristin called from behind the curtain that shielded Doug from an unwanted peep show.

  Not that Kristin wasn’t attractive. She favored his own wife more than anyone. But it was Kristin. Gross.

  Doug squinted his eyes shut as Conner swung back the curtain. “I think that’s our cue to leave.”

  “Yeah, our work here is done.”

  Doug stood, and Raven clumsily latched on to his arm to lift herself from the seat. He gripped her waist with one hand and her hand with the other, then guided her out of the room. All the while keeping a ninja-like focus on the door in front of them.

  Chapter Two

  By the time Doug pulled the truck into their garage, Raven’s lightheadedness had vanished. She hopped out of her seat, ready to put the events of the day behind her.

  “Someone’s feeling better.”

  Raven smiled. “I think getting away from the hospital helped more than anything.”

  “Yeah, not my favorite place either.”

  Doug unlocked the back door to the house, and Raven followed him inside to the kitchen. Doug stopped to open the refrigerator, while Raven continued to the living room. She plopped down on the couch and sighed.

  “Want anything to drink?”

  “Diet Coke, please.”

  Doug walked across the open space holding a Diet Coke and a regular Coke, and joined her on the couch. “It’s a good thing you were with Kristin today.”

  “Yeah.” Raven arched her eyebrows. “Though I would’ve preferred it have been Conner or Mom . . . or anyone else.”

  Doug hooked his arm behind her and played with a lock of her hair. “I’m sure you did great.”

  Raven blinked. “I don’t know. First, I got pulled over for speeding through traffic lights. Then, I literally tapped out at the most crucial moment.”

  “Was it that scary?”

  Raven nodded with the force of a bobblehead doll. Her stomach churned at the memory of Kristin’s panicked fac. “Scary, weird, awkward. I can’t find the words to describe it.”

  “You can’t find words? No.” D
oug grinned, and Raven slapped his knee, then wrinkled her nose at the sticky grass on her hand. Gross. Why did she even let him sit down?

  “All I can think is, why would anyone put themselves through that?”

  Doug scratched his jaw, giving Raven his typical “I’ll call your bluff” look.

  “You weren’t there. I watched my sister in excruciating pain from the moment she flooded Aisle 9 in Bed Bath & Beyond to the moment my eyes rolled back in my head.”

  “Flooded Aisle 9?” Doug dropped Raven’s hair. His brows scrunched into his cute thinking face.

  “Her water broke. But I thought she’d peed herself.”

  Doug laughed so hard he started coughing. Then he cleared his throat and laughed more. Raven watched the show, arms crossed.

  “Are you done?”

  “I’m sorry, hon. The image was too funny. I’m surprised you didn’t faint then.”

  Raven narrowed her gaze. “Yeah, well that part was even more awkward than getting pulled over.”

  Doug patted the back of Raven’s head. “I’m sure whatever pain Kristin went through was all worth it.”

  Raven pressed her lips together. Maybe Doug was right, but she couldn’t imagine enduring all that pain to have a baby.

  “After today, I’m not sure I want to have kids.” Raven bit her lip and held her breath, bracing herself for Doug’s response. She knew he loved kids, and agreeing that they both wanted kids one day was one of those hot topics they’d discussed before marriage.

  “Just because you watched Kristin have a baby?”

  Raven cocked her head. “Says the man who freaked out when she started to breastfeed.”

  Doug shifted his body toward Raven and huffed. “And you’d rather I’d checked out your sister’s rack?”